20 May 2011

I can never think of a good title

I saw my other, normal, doctor on Tuesday. It is very hard when doctors just dismiss things. She seems to think I should have a laparoscopy to check for endo, that the diet won't help at all, and that hormonal contraceptives, however bad, would be the lesser of two evils and I should just do that. She said she'd refer me to a GYN if the endo was positive - who would have more options for pain relieve - but strong narcotics is not that answer. The alternative is a hysterectomy, she said. Sigh.

I go between being fine and chugging along and wanting to just collapse and cry. I'm trying not to think to far ahead - and just focus on the now. But its hard when there are so many gorgeous little babies around.

Partner has been ok. But his tendency to just bury his head in the ground and ignore things (not just this) is making me want to scream at him every time I see him. Of course, he doesn't get why I'm upset about not being able to have more children - its not as if we could handle a baby right this very moment now is it *roll eyes here*.  He doesn't seem to get that I don't want another baby right now either ... but sometime in the future maybe.  Have a hyseterectomy takes away that choice forever. 


So today I'm not doing too well.  

I wonder if it has anything to do with having two cups of coffee this morning. 

Or that I just haven't dealt with this all week and pushed all the feelings down and not thinking about it.

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